


Lost

by SiriusMarauders79



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Goes to Therapy, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Love Steve but can be an idiot sometimes, M/M, Not so Steve friendly, Other, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Steve Rogers, POV Tony Stark, Slow Burn, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-21 01:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriusMarauders79/pseuds/SiriusMarauders79
Summary: They were all lies. And even though she knew how things always ended, she chose to do it. She chose to swallow the lie.“Don’t touch me,” she begged. “Or I won’t let you go.”He stared at her. A lip between his teeth.“What if I don’t want you to let me go?”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 5





	1. HER

_Freakin' out on the interstate,_ _Rolling down the windows, baby, I can't hear a thing you say_

_I'm walking back to my favorite place_   
_And I can feel them staring at me_   
_Baby, do you think I'm doing something wrong?_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She needed clothes.

People bumped into her with a force that made her think they were about to stab her or hold her down to knife her. But every time she stopped to defend herself, the man or woman were walking away from her going on their business.

The little passage between the cheap tends, brave enough to call themselves stores, had more people than she expected to interact with.

Vienna Squeezed herself through the sea of possible customers to get away from here. There were some looks on her but everyone looked without shame at anyone in this place.

When she looked down, a small kid was watching her. Not her face or the blood dropping down her hands. The kid was watching the gun adjusted to her waist.

She tried to hide the gun with her jacket and strolled faster to let the kid behind.

Finally, the endless tends came to an end and she was out in the streets.

France at night was not fun and extremely dangerous when you were a girl walking with no one but the stars as company.

Right now, with her on the loose, every human not matter the gender or class was in danger.

Every step she took, it hurt with anticipation. She was close to her destination. Clothes and a place to sleep, that's what she needed right now, yes.

It didn't took her long to feel the presence of another person in the empty street she was on. Though she didn't look back, the steps became clear and easier to hear.

To make sure it wasn't her mind playing tricks on her, she turned in the next intersection to the right. Vienna waited a few seconds and... still steps behind her.

They got closer and closer until they turned to the right.

Quickly, Vienna hit his throat.

The man bent down, his hands grabbing himself trying to breath.

Vienna raised her knee and hit his face, sending him backwards, gasping in pain. She open his shirt and saw the black jacket around his stomach and chest. An anti bullets jacket with a logo.

He was an agent.

"Why can't I get a fucking break?" She sighed.

Vienna pressed her boot on the man's throat. She should kill him. She knew she should end the threat.

"Please," he cried out.

They always cried. Always begged. The never learned.

"I have a family," he said.

Vienna pressed harder, her hand grasped on his face leaving blood on his skin.

His eyes had a genuine terror that made her reconsider. After all, he wasn't armed, he didn't hurt her.

"This is your warning," she hissed. "Leave me alone."

Vienna knocked him out with a hit of the back of her gun and -after fixing her clothes- she walked away like nothing happened.

>>>>>>>>>

"Am I in trouble?"

The black-haired man joined them on the hall on the way to the meeting room.

"No. We were called, too," Steve answered.

Bucky wasn't completely adjusted to S.H.I.E.L.D, so whenever he was called to meet with the parched man, his nerves were through the roof.

"You're fine," Steve assured him.

"Don't lie to the poor guy, he might be in trouble for all we know."

"Romanov," he breathed.

The red headed smiled, "I'm just joking," she said. "Kind of."

Bucky drawled, "This is why I don't join you for breakfast."

"And that affects me how exactly?"

Steve remained silent. It was better to let them fight than to have both of his best friends not talking to each other at all. He still hoped one day they would get along.

Natasha knocked on the crystal door and opened it like it was her office.

The three of them entered and took a seat on the big table they only sat at when someone was in trouble.

Fury was in the corner of the room, facing the large windows that lightened the office.

"Sir," Natasha called.

When he turned around, the same expression he always had was still there. Serious, hard and emotionless.

"Two days ago," he began. "Vladimir Savoka was found dead on his house. His wrists were cut opened, his legs had multiple stabs, his stomach cuts and was missing three fingers. The other fingers had missing nails."

Fury grabbed three folders from his desk and placed them on the table for them to open.

"He was tortured," Fury said. "By Vienna West."

When Steve opened the folder, he saw a girl that couldn't be more than twenty five. Long hair, gray eyes, small nose. Not the look for an assassin, but they never did.

"Why are you telling us this?" He asked.

Fury took a seat on the table, "This girl used to work for Hydra. She killed, stole, sold, tortured for them," he paused. "Until a year ago. She started killing old members from Hydra. We thought she was having some vengeance of her own but then she began the torture and noticed the paren. She was killing and torturing people who were close to Abadon Hellnic.

"He was once the head of the experiment division in Hydra."

Natasha made a face, "So she is looking for him? Interrogating?"

"We believe she is on the hunt. Yes."

"Where was Savoka found?" Steve asked flipping through the pages.

"France."

"If she's been killing and torturing for a year, why are we just hearing about this?"

Fury stroke his chin, then his neck.

"We didn't think she was a big threat."

"She is," Bucky spoke.

All gazes fell on him.

"When I was... on Hydra, she was kind of a celebrity," he said, every word felt like they didn't want to come out. Always struggling to talk in front of that man. "I never met her but I did hear about her. They called her The tyrant. If any of the stories I heard are true, she should not be on the streets."

Steve looked at him. He didn't usually talk about his time in Hydra, and when he did, well, he didn't come out of his room for days but to eat and go to missions.

"She sounds dangerous," Natasha said.

"We didn't know it was her killing those people," Fury entangled his hand over the table. "Every twenty two days, she would kill two members. We don't know how she was flying from country to country finding her targets but it was always every twenty two days. Then, five months ago, that changed. Two members became four and twenty two days became fifteen. That's when she made a mistake and a video camera from a store in Italy caught her face.

"And then... nothing."

Steve raised an eyebrow, "nothing?"

"Nada. It was like she vanished. We couldn't find her anywhere."

Natasha closed the folder and rested back on the chair, "until two days ago."

Fury nodded, "One of our agents spotted her in France when he was on a mission. He followed her but didn't manage to go much further. She gave him a warning. To leave her alone."

"She didn't kill him," Nat pointed out. "Maybe she doesn't kill innocent people?"

"We can't risk thinking like that."

"What do you want us to do?"

"Find her and bring her here."

"I'm sure she will come willingly," Bucky huffed.

"I never said it would be easy," Fury said.

"What about the rest of the team?" Steve asked. "Stark? Clint? Banner?"

"Busy. On a mission. Busy," Fury answered. "But Tony did find the time to look for her and notified us she's still in France. Just like Ernold Van, an old friend from Hellnic and retired member of Hydra."

"Still alive?"

"Still alive. You find him, you find Vienna."

Natasha kissed her teeth, something she did when the question in her mouth became unbearable, "why do you want her alive?" She asked.

Fury sighed as if he hoped he would not be asked that. When he finally chose to look at them, he spoke with hard truth.

"We have an enemy in common."


	2. WHO ARE YOU?

_And you got a lot on your mind_   
_And your heart, it looks just like mine_   
_There's no use in wasting your time, anymore_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Where she slept didn't matter, neither did the clothes she stole from that woman on her way to work.

There was only one thing that matter to her and that was finding Abadon. Maybe after he was dead she could breath, she could be actually free from her past, her wounds and nightmares.

The morning and its light was a nice chance from what she was used to but that didn't mean she liked it. Most of the time she cursed when the sunlight covered her face.

She straightened herself. Her senses over any other feeling her body had.

The store she was looking for was across the street. Adinna's it said the sign on top.

This was it. The twentieth was the charm as people said.

Vienna crossed the street and into the store she went.

A little ring sounded when she opened the door and again when it closed. She smiled at the register where a pale girl stood and the girl smiled back.

It was a clothing store, so Vienna searched the place for something warm. Her fingers passed over every piece of coat in hangers until it touched it. A green leather coat, it wasn't warm but she very much liked it.

"How much is this?" She asked the girl, showing her the piece.

"15 euros."

Is this made of gold or what?, she thought.

Vienna took the coat nonetheless and walked to the register.

"I'll take this," she said in perfect French.

"Nice choice," the girl grabbed the coat and started taking off the hanger.

She was young. Younger than Vienna expected, so much she thought of not saying anything. But her mouth would always have a mind of its own.

"How's your dad?" Vienna asked.

The girl stopped moving, "what?"

Vienna leaned on the register, a malicious smirk on her lips, "your dad," she repeated. "How is he?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." The girl put the coat on a plastic bag nervously.

Vienna grabbed her wrist, "don't lie to me. I hate lies."

Vienna grabbed her harder and she gasped, "now that I have your attention I'm going to ask you to call your daddy and tell him to come, okay? If you tell him anything else, I will not just kill him, I will kill you too. Do you want me to kill you?"

The girl shook her head. Tears already falling down her face.

"If you are not back in a minute, I will kill you, you hear me?"

The girl nodded.

"Call him."

Vienna let her go when the door of the store opened again. A costumer.

The girl went to the back and waiting was the only thing to do now.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" A woman said behind her.

Vienna only shrugged.

"Oh my god, are you buying this coat? It's gorgeous." She touched the fabric that stood out the bag.

Vienna saw her hand. She turned around to meet her.

She was the same height as her. She was wearing dark clothes along with brown military boots. Her hair was a strong red and her eyes dark with the ghosts of her past.

" who do you work for?" Vienna said.

The woman frowned, "I'm sorry?"

"I saw you following me for an hour," Vienna tilted her head.

The confusion left the woman's face. As if she expected this, she put a finger in her ear, "My cover was blown."

Quickly as that, the woman tried to hit her face.

Vienna ducked in time and grabbed her wrist turning it.

The red-head turned along and with a strong pulled, Vienna rolled over her back and hit the floor. The air left her lungs painfully.

The girl came back and gasped in horror when she saw the situation.

"Run!" The woman yelled at her.

"I will find you, Adinna!"

The girl ran outside the store before Vienna could grabbed her.

No. No. NO.

Vienna had been angry several times, but now? She could murder this red head without any regret at all. She punched her face, then her stomach and before the woman could take her gun, Vienna grabbed her by the neck and struck her against the register.

She fell unconscious, her forehead bleeding.

Vienna took the dispositive behind her ear and heard it.

"Romanov, do you copy?" He said. "Romanov."

Vienna pressed a small button and talked, "She's dead."


	3. THE DEAL

_I'm sorry I haven't been myself_   
_And something's got me down_   
_What it is, I cannot tell_   
_I won't be satisfied with anything I've earned_   
_Fear is just a part of love_   
_And one thing I found_   
_Is love is what you deserve_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Natasha woke up hanging from the roof. Heavy chains around her entire body.

The ground was close to her head but she didn't know if that was entirely good.

It was a big place, some kind of industrial building but abandoned. Everything was rusty and dirty.

"You snore when you're unconscious, did you know that?"

Natasha blinked to make sure the girl was real.

She was seating on a chair not far away from her. And sharpening a knife. Her hair was also shorter than in the pictures and... well, she looked wilder. Like a Hydra agent.

"I can't understand you people. I hardly touch one of you, in fact I only kill hydra agents and you still managed to make that your problem," Vienna threw her head back.

"What did you say? Sorry, I couldn't hear hanging from the roof."

Vienna looked back, "you can hardly blame me. You started it."

"Why don't you put me down? Let's talk like civilized people."

Vienna traced the knife with her fingers, deep in thought.

"Why are you following me?" She asked.

"You're looking for Hellnic."

Viena shrugged and stood on her feet, slowly making her way to Natasha.

"Answer my question," Vienna muttered.

Fury said she probably would act like this, so it was better to say as much of the truth as possible.

"We want him, too," she answered. "And since you know him pretty well, as well as his colleagues, we thought we could help each other."

Vienna kneeled, her face the same height as hers, "I'm listening."

Natasha explained as long as she could. Any second to give more time to Rogers and Barnes to find her. If she kept talking, they might be able to get here before something happened.

"You say the same thing over and over again in different words. You have nothing else to say, uh?" Vienna passed her knife around her throat, not putting so much pressure to cut her but enough to make her nervous.

"What do you have to lose?" Natasha mumbled. "You have no life, no family, no friends or home. S.H.I.E.L.D is offering you a deal of a lifetime."

"Is Nick Fury still the director?"

Her heart skipped a bit. But forced to remain unsurprised by this revelation.

Vienna was a high level agent that worked for many years in Hydra. Of course she had this kind of knowledge.

"Yes." No point in lying.

"I want to talk to him. I'll make the deal with him if I like what I hear."

"You know I have to take you to the facility, right? He won't meet anywhere else."

"I expected as much."

They stayed quiet for a long minute, still testing boundaries around each other's.

"Can you let me down now?"

Vienna sat on the floor, crossed her legs and rested back against her arms. "No. I want to wait until your friends get here. Don't want any misunderstandings."

"What do you...?" Her words were lost in the middle of her tongue as Vienna showed her the tracker she put on the coat when they were in the store.

"You need to be more subtle," Vienna said. "If it wasn't for this I wouldn't have noticed anything strange in you."

"Thanks for the tip but I'm doing pretty well."

"What's your name?"

Like the situation wasn't weird enough.

Vienna locked eyes with her, waiting for that piece of information.

She knew she could lie. If she was good at something it was lying. Was this a test? Did she already knew her name?

"Natasha Romanoff," she answered.

Vienna seemed happy. Proud even.

Natasha did the right thing then.

"I heard about you." Vienna pointed at her with the knife. "How did the best spy in the world end up working in S.H.I.E.L.D?"

"They had better insurance."

And then, Vienna chuckled. The sound was...comforting. How exactly did a killer chuckle? After reading all about her and the horrible things she was capable of doing, she was a still a young woman. A girl that was lost in a system and didn't get help.

Somehow, she reminded her of her.

Vienna stood up and walked to her right. The post where the rest of the chains were. Slowly, she unlocked them and started putting Natasha on the floor.

A rush of relief washed over her. She physically felt the blood coming back to her head.

Vienna unlocked the chains around her body and helped her get out of the heavy iron, careful of not touching her.

"I don't know if I should trust you," Vienna offered her a bottle of water. "But I guess I have no control over anything from now on."

Natasha watched the water.

"It's not poisoned."

"I wasn't thinking that," Natasha said. "I am now."

Vienna smiled, her fans were a little larger than her other teeth. "I guess you would have to trust me."

Natasha took the plastic bottle, shoving the water down her throat not caring if it was really poisoned. When she finished it, Vienna was next to the chair where she sat before. There was a black backpack opened with her belongings.

"You were sleeping here?" The question blurted out of her lips before she could stop herself. Thankfully, Vienna didn't read much into it.

"No. I hate places like this, but I couldn't exactly take you to a five star hotel." She was busy looking for something in her backpack.

Natasha felt a little awkward. She didn't know what to do. Before the store, she had expected Vienna would give much of a fight, but she accepted. No violence, no curses, no fight. Just pure talk.

"You hate him that much?" Natasha asked. "Hellnic. You hate him that much to allied with an organization that is against everything that you are?"

Vienna looked at her by the corner of her eye, her hands still inside the backpack. "If you had live with him, you wouldn't be asking me that question."

"Put your hands where I can see them," a voice said from the entrance.

Both women looked up and saw Rogers and Barnes walking slowly to them. Barnes had a gun, pointed at Vienna, the red dot circling her chest.  
Rogers had his shield up, protecting him and Barnes in case of a sudden blown.

"Guys, it's okay," Natasha moved to Vienna's side, to show she meant no harm, but the smirk she had on her face didn't help.

"I didn't know the Winter soldier was with you, Nat," Vienna said.

Since there, it was visible how Barnes tensed at the mention of that name. His jaw clenched and his arms grasped the gun like he was holding back his urge to shoot her.

Vienna closed her backpack and straightened her body.

"Are you okay, Romanov?" Rogers eyed Vienna, his blue eyes scanned the backpack and her knife.

"I'm fine," she answered. She looked at Vienna, then at them. "She wants to meet with Fury."

They exchanged a few words before Rogers got out of the building again. Barnes on the other hand, stayed. He wouldn't let Vienna out of her sight. The gun never left and the red dot remained in Vienna's chest at all times.

Even when Natasha told him Vienna wouldn't do anything, Barnes refused to lowered his weapon.

Rogers came back a few minutes later, a serious and unreadable expression on his face.

"He is waiting," he said.

"Well, isn't this fantastic?" Vienna put the backpack on her shoulders. "What are we waiting for?"

Natasha smiled and only then, Rogers got closer to them, his steps confident and hard.

"I'm going to ask you to give up your weapons," he said.

"Take another step and I'll cut your legs," Vienna warned. Her voice changed from the relaxed and giggling tone she used with Natasha, to a hard and cold one.

Rogers stopped.

Immediately, Natasha raised her arms and stood between them.

"You are insane if you think I'll go anywhere without something to defend myself," Vienna drawled.

"You won't need to defend yourself, Vienna," Rogers' tone softened. "This is only a precaution."

"Before or after you put some handcuffs on me?"

"No handcuffs," Natasha said quickly. She felt on edge. Like she was slowly loosing Vienna's trust.

Vienna looked from Rogers to her. With an angry huff, she turned in her backpack.

"And the knife you have on your leg," Rogers said.

Vienna rolled her eyes before a funny smile curled up her mouth, "and why are you looking at my legs?"

Rogers flushed. For a single and quick second he lost his seriousness, "I'm not."

"Right."

Vienna bent down, rolled up the clothing until a knife came into view. She gave that to Natasha, too.

"So," she said. "Shall we?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She heard all kind of stories about him. The righteous soldier lost in time, or Captain America, or Stevie Rogers. They all showed the greatness and bravery the man had in him. It didn't feel real when she met him. And even if she didn't want to admit it, it felt like she didn't deserve to stand next to him. Or breath near him.

How much did he know about her? The things she did, the people she made disappeared. Did he know she once tortured a man to death because he couldn't pay in time? Did he know she killed a young woman when she put her nose on the wrong business? Did he know she had to forget the faces in order to move on from her nightmares?

I barely know the man, she thought, stop thinking like this.

But how could she when she just met the man who had righteous written in his forehead?

Some turbulence pulled her out of her mind and pushed her to reality. She grabbed the seat under her and breathed. There hadn't passed more than fifteen minutes and she was already regretting her choice.

"Everything alright?"

She looked up from her legs to the blonde-haired who was watching her between something like sympathy and forceful care.

"I hate flying," she answered.

He nodded like he understood the feeling.

Vienna rested her head back and closed her eyes, wishing the trip was over. It was that or watched Barnes' fire eyes burning her alive.

"Keep looking me like that and I might read too much between lines, darling," she said.

A triumphant smile appeared in her mouth when the sound of a frustrated sigh filled her ears.


	4. DIRECTOR FURY

_Driving home and call my father on the telephone_   
_I hope you know I missed you, man_   
_Let's put it all behind us if we can_   
_Never feeling like I'm all the way home (all the way home)_   
_Stones inside my raincoat pocket, I gotta keep_   
_Oh, won't you hold them for me?_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Vienna almost jumped out of the ship and kissed the floor. She said she hated flying but hate could hardly express how she really felt toward it.

"You'll get used to it," Natasha told her.

"No, I won't."

The hatch opened and an agent was waiting outside. A pair of handcuffs in his hands.

"We will not be using them," Rogers said to him when they got out.

The agent looked at Vienna, "I was told to..."

"And now I'm telling you we are not using them," Natasha said.

The agent nodded, respectfully. He turned around and they followed him inside an elevator.

"I still think it's a bad idea," Barnes muttered.

Vienna turned him, "Afraid I won't keep my hands off of you?"

Barnes gazed at her and with a step back, he put himself in the corner of the elevator.

Steve watched them in silent before taking his eyes to the front.

"Are you trying to scar him for life or something?" Natasha whispered to her.

"I don't want him near me, that's all."

And by the look on Barnes face, it worked like a charm. If she was smart enough, she'd keep it that way.

The thing about touch was the feeling that came with it. It was never welcomed, never suiting or nice. On the contrary, it was painful.

Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me.

She would hide sometimes, avoiding any human at all costs. She would covered every piece of her skin if that meant no pain.

The elevator opened to a large hall with big windows and before Natasha could pushed her out, she stepped forward.

Eventually, they entered a much bigger hall, agents working, busy, and some of them curious.

"We are not used to visitors," the agent told her.

He was tall, with a lot of brown hair and sweet eyes. She almost forgot he was carrying a gun.

"No kidding," she replied.

They left that hall behind and turned left at the end. A few meters away, an immense door of class waited for them to open it.

"Wait," she said before Natasha touched the handle.

The red headed woman looked at her, her eyebrows frowned.

"You're staying, right?" She asked her.

Natasha seemed confused, or just more freaked out for the fact she was asking her to stay like a five year old and a Hydra ex-agent.

"The director would probably like to talk to you in private," Barnes said.

Vienna snapped her head to him, her hard features coming alive as if he just lighted a fire.

"I will if I can," Natasha answered.

Vienna relaxed but she was feeling confused too as to why she would ask her to do such thing.

She looked a lot like Lily. The resemblance was more than noticeable and it had the very reason why she didn't kill her. The red hair, the killing eyes, the pale skin and nose. It was like Lily decided to play a final joke on her from the other side.

Natasha opened the door and five red dots flashed in Vienna's chest.

"You know you could've done that when I got out of the ship, right?" Vienna spoke with little humor. Her insides burned with the annoyance it had evaporated before.

Slowly, she entered the room.

Five guards, all covered in black, had their guns pointed at her.

A black man with a parch on his eyes was in the middle of them.

"She's unarmed," Natasha said next to her.

"She's never unarmed," the man known as Fury took a step further, greeting Vienna. "I assume you want to discuss the terms."

Vienna observed the guards then the windows around them.

"They're bulletproof," Fury said. "You can't jump out of the building, if that's what you're thinking of doing if this goes sideways."

"You can't blame a girl for trying to be careful," Vienna said. "The guards are making me nervous, though. I would hate to do a reckless thing for being under so much pressure."

Fury locked eyes with her. A silent agreement passed through their body language.

"Stand down," he told the guards and as robots the men listened. The little dots disappeared from her chest.

"So," Vienna clapped her hands together. "Let's talk business."

Fury made a small movement with his head and Steve and Barnes were getting out.

"You too, agent Romanov."

"She stays," Vienna said firm.

Steve stopped. He watched the three of them.  
Barnes behind him.

Was Fry really going to listen to her?

"There are details that it's better for you to be alone, Miss West," Fury said.

"She," Vienna breathed. "Stays."

By the looks of it, Fury wasn't used to this kind of talk. The kind of someone talking back at him, disagreeing, refusing his command.

"Romanov?" Fury asked.

Natasha gazed at her, then at him, "I have no problem, Sir."

"Very well," he sat down behind his desk. "The rest out."

Vienna turned her head back, enough to see Steve watching her. She raised her hand and waved goodbye.

The door closed.

"Okay," Fury said. "Let's talk business."

Vienna listened like she never did before, which was unusual. Years had tough her that paying close attention to one thing ended in boredom and in search for something else more interesting to do.

As Fury laid down the details, Vienna's face became more serious. Her lips tightened in a hard line, her fingers squeezed her kneecaps trying to release some of the anger bursting through her skin.

She couldn't eat, go out, talk, move or even go to the freaking bathroom if he didn't give her permission, and when he wasn't around, Steve was at command.

She wanted to scream.

I can't do it. Rules are not my thing.

But they had resources she needed. In some way, it was the quicker way to find Hellnic.

"That's not all," Fury said.

The next few agreements were the last thing she expected.

Therapy, hospital, months of community service, and her knowledge was their knowledge.

"Mental hospital?" She repeated. "I am not crazy."

"I never said you were," Fury proceeded carefully. "But this is an honest organization. The government knows about us, it's part of us. They won't like to work with a murderer, even less one that worked for the other team. They want improvement, a soldier, a spy, a killer willing to kill for us."

It sounded easy when he said it. How many times had he said the same speech to someone like her? Did they accept this bullshit?

Feeling hopeless and beaten, Vienna turned to Natasha. She had been in silence the entire time, seating next to her.

"What do you think?" Vienna asked.

She hoped her voice didn't sound as weak as she felt. Asking for an opinion, help or the slightest cry of desperation for someone to take the rails made her sick to her stomach.

Natasha sighed and leaned into the table with a unreadable expression, her hands very still as she talked, "knowing your history with Hydra, I think this is a pretty good deal, West. Not only they are avoiding prison, but are getting you help and shelter after this is over."

Vienna knew what she had to do. It wasn't difficult to see that accepting was the better option. Nevertheless, there was an uncomfortable scratch she couldn't reach inside her chest.

Every bad turn of events crossed her mind and obliged her to analyze the outcome.

"What would happen to Hellnic?" Vienna asked the important question.

Fury moved in his seat, probably knowing she won't like the answer.

"He would be sent to a prison of maximum security."

No. She shook her head. No.

"That's not enough," she tightened her fists. "That's not nearly close to enough."

That man deserved to die. If there was place for him that deserved him for what he was, it was the dirt underneath their feet. Not a prison, not a place he could escape.

"This man has ruined lives, inflicted so much pain you couldn't begin to imagine. What do you win by keeping him alive?"

"What do you win by killing him?" Fury replied.

"That he won't do what he did to me to anybody else!" She slammed her fist on the desk.

Natasha placed her hand on her waist, on top of her gun.

"You think you know this man, don't you?" Vienna muttered, slowly, like her words were something she had to taste first. "What you read about him, those stupid profiles you have of him in S.H.I.E.L.D? They're not close to the piece of shit he truly is. You want to keep him alive so he can only plan his escape? Fine. Just know that it was your decision to keep it that way, Director Fury."

They knew, though. That if Vienna found him first, Hellnic would not have time to talk. He would have a bullet on his head before he could even pronounce her name.

Fury put a sheet in front of her. A document. A contract.

"Do we have a deal, Miss West?"

Vienna bit the inside of her cheek. Her rage decreased as she took another look at the woman next to her. Lily, tell me what to do, Lily.

Not losing more time, Vienna grabbed the pen on Fury's hand and signed her life away.


	5. THE A TEAM

_And you got a lot on your mind_  
_And your heart, it looks just like mine_  
_There's no use in wasting your time, anymore_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a guard outside the door. The same man that guided them to Fury's office an hour ago. He saluted Fury like a normal soldier and only stand down when he told him so.

"Miss West, this is Oliver Zachary," Fury presented him, a hand on the man's shoulder. "He'd be your escort."

Vienna raised her eyebrow at the poor attempt of disguising the title of her new bodyguard.

"Right," she said, thankful that Oliver didn't have intend to shake her hand. Actually, he didn't look like he wanted to be there at all.

Fury turned to Natasha, "I trust you to take it from here?"

Natasha nodded. If a particular raise of her head could be call that. She turned to Oliver.

"Her room," she commanded.

They passed the halls she walked before and once again, they were in the elevator.

Oliver pressed floor fourteen, just a few floors under this one and the doors closed.

By the corner of her eye she watched Oliver.

He had his hands gripped around his gun, a nervous tick occurring in his mouth when his teeth clanged against each other. And he avoided looking at her.

"I'm not going to bite you, you know?" She said.

Oliver glanced at her, then gave her a smile. A shy and 'yes you will' smile. "That's not what I've heard." He returned his eyes to front.

The doors opened but not on their floor.

A man appeared at the other side. He was reading something in his phone. The man had bronze skin and strong figure. His face had a beard in the form of a well shave lock. Expensive black glasses in his perfect nose that were not as close to his eyes, enough to see he was indeed reading. And as if that wasn't enough, he was wearing a black suit. One of those you knew costed a liver or a heart.

"Stark," Natasha called him with an obnoxious tone.

He raised at finger in her direction. Then looked up.

"Agent Romanoff," he said entering the elevator, stepping in front of Vienna and turning to give his back at her. "How's my favorite spy?"

"Depends. Are you staying here for more than five minutes?"

"I will be delighting you with my presence, yes."

Natasha sighed, but chose not to comment further.

The doors closed again and they were in silence for a few seconds. Then it broke.

"So," he said. "Have you met our little killer on the loose yet?"

"Yes, she is behind you," Natasha answered.

The expensive man turned around and watched her like he hadn't noticed she was there before.

"Little killer?" She questioned.

He waved away the nickname, "No handcuffs I see. How you managed?"

"Handcuffs, then no meeting."

"Hm."

He scanned her like she was an experiment. In some way she was. She had been.

"I'm Vienna," she said now awkward that there wasn't anything else to talk about. "Vienna West."

He nodded, disinterested. Still watching her.

She clenched her jaw, "and who are you?"

He put a hand on his chest, his mouth slightly opened showing how offended he found her question.

"You insolent little..."

"This is your stop, Tony," Natasha interrupted him.

He fixed his clothes, "who am I," he huffed. "I'm Tony freaking Stark, that's who I am."

His voice was offended and annoyed, but the little humorous smirk trying to break through his face didn't fool Vienna.

"Where's the popsicle, anyway?" He asked.

"On the gym," Natasha answered.

Tony got out. The elevator closed again, leaving the three of them alone.

"Popsicle?" Vienna frowned.

Natasha smiled, "The Captain." She corrected like that should explain it all.

They arrived to their floor.

"This way," Oliver showed and walked to the right of the hall. "There's a kitchen in here. We have breakfast at 7:30, lunch at 2:00 and Dinner at 7:00 pm. You can go anytime you're hungry but always with me," he explained. "Your room has a bathroom, so don't worry about it."

He showed her the kitchen, a small cafeteria with two ladies giving breakfast behind a metal room. There were a few tables but the whole place was empty. No windows.

Good.

They moved forward and passed a few door which Vienna thought were more bedrooms.

"You'll be staying here," Oliver said and opened the door from the right side of the hall.

Vienna expected a few sheets on the floor, maybe a blanket but no. It was a normal room. There was a bed with dark green sheets and two pillows. A closet. Against the wall, in front of the bed, there was a desk with a mirror over it. And the door to the bathroom.

"This is..." no words could begin to explain what she was feeling. "...a bedroom."

"Have you eaten something yet?" Natasha crossed her arms. One foot inside the room and one outside.

Vienna looked around again to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. She shook her head.

"No hungry."

Natasha focused on her longer than a second she was used to observe, "okay. I'll pick you up in a few hours. You have to meet the rest of the team, then we'll discuss the next step."

Vienna sat on her temporary bed and instantly regretted doing it. "Yes," she answered. "Sounds good."

They shared a look, then the red head disappeared.

Oliver fixed his throat. "I'll be right outside."

Vienna didn't respond and the door closed with a low click.

Like the bed was on fire, Vienna stood up and glanced at it. The comfy mattress was unusual. Then she looked at the floor and laid down in there. Her eyes on the ceiling, her hands together over her stomach.

Home sweet home.

>>>>>>>>>

Vienna didn't move from her place. Three hours passed and even though she tried to rest, as soon as she closed her eyes, horrible things came back to her dreams. No sleep, she decided, no sleep then no nightmares.

Pathetic.

Of all crimes she did, sleeping was the thing that scared her. How sad was that?

 _Very_ , Lily would say, _you should be ashamed._

A nostalgic smile slid into her mouth. She turned to her right side and there she was. Living and shit.

"Hey," Vienna said.

Lily smiled back, _hey_.

It wasn't until then, when the last rays of sunlight played in Lily's profile, that Vienna noticed she had a small window in the room. The sun illuminated her hair and it showed once more why Vienna used to call her fire-girl. Her hair came to life every time the sun shone against her. It looked like fire playing in her locks of hair.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Lily rested her head on top of her hand, _we talked about this._

"And yet..." Vienna tightened her lips. "...After all this time, I'm still sorry."

Lily raised her hand, her fingers brushing against Vienna's face, or at least how she thought it would feel if Lily was really touching her. Lily smiled, thoughtful. _I know_ , she mumbled.

So full of life and yet, she wasn't there at all. Only a product of her imagination so she wouldn't snap and go crazy. Why would such terrible things happen to the most kind souls? And if that was the destiny for them, what was on store for the ones that stole the life of the kind?

She wanted to apologize not once or twice, but spend all evening trying to make up for her mistake, for not being better or nearly good enough of the person Lily thought she was.

"I'm doing it now," she said. "I'm trying."

The image of Lily disappeared when there were three knocks on the door. Like the same air she was breathing swallowed her.

With an annoying huffed, Vienna stood on her feet and sat on the bed, "Yes?"

Oliver opened the door, watched her from the entrance, "Your presence is required on the meeting room," he said.

Vienna glanced down where Lily had been and went with him.

In this part of the building, agents weren't as formal as the ones on the other floors. Some were wearing gym clothes, normal clothes or just something that could pass as pajamas. It had been fives minutes walking and elevators when she was sick of it. His silence.

Half way she asked, "Are you always going to be outside my door?"

"Every minute of the day."

"What if you have to go to the bathroom?"

Oliver shrugged, "I'll find my time when you are with someone else."

Vienna could leave it there, but her uncomfortableness was stronger than her own will to stop bothering the man.

"What if I stay in my room for two days straight?" She asked.

"Then I'll stay outside your door for two days straight."

"Stop flirting with me, agent," she said. "I don't think our love could survive this."

Oliver remained quiet but the tension was finally behind. And he was no longer grabbing the gun like his life depended on it. Progress.

They stopped in a different room than Fury's.

Oliver opened the grey doors with her at his side. There were at least six people inside, all turned around to see her.

"Captain," he said.

"Thank you, Oliver," Rogers approached them. "That'll be all."

Oliver closed the door, leaving her inside.

"Did you like your room?" Rogers asked, gently.

Vienna nodded, "It was more than I hoped."

Or deserved.

Luckily, Natasha went to her and guided her to the table where there were other two people she hadn't met.

"This is Clint Barton," Natasha pointed at him. "Barton, this is Vienna West."

He had light brown hair and light skin. His nose was strong but not perfectly built. He worked out a lot, that was for sure. And he might have been in his thirties. He gave a small gritting to her which she responded the same way.

"And this is Bruce Banner," Natasha's voice became a little more soft that surprised Vienna.

The good looking man with glasses on top of his nose, raised his head to meet her. He had black hair, a little wavy in the front but short nevertheless.

"Hi," he said.

But it could have been saying that to Natasha, giving that neither of them stopped looking at each other's eyes. Vienna shifted awkwardly in her place. Was she the only one seeing this?.

"Well," Tony stepped out. "Now that introductions are out of the way, let's get to work, shall we?"

Vienna watched him move and talk so elegantly that it seemed he was sliding over air.

She was seating on the table with the rest. Tony was up changing pages after pages on the screen while Roger stood up too, watching with his arms crossed.

She didn't talk talk the whole time until it came the point where they were discussing the next step.

"We can contact our agent inside," Clint said. "They could give us information? We can move from there."

"Not because they are inside means they know about Hellnic," Natasha pointed out.

"You have someone inside Hydra?" Vienna asked, her voice a little more upset that she thought.

"Of course," Tony answered.

"That's wrong in so many ways I can't begin to explain," she said. "Anyways, trying to contact them would only put them in danger."

"They're agent. They are smart."

Blind. They were blind to the true danger Hydra was. The good side always underestimated how much of a threat the bad guy was until they fucked up. Same story, same script.

"You don't need them. You have me now."

"Aha, and what kind of information do you have that we can use?"

"Only the names of the people close to Hellnic."

Tony did something to the screen. Called someone named Jarvis and it answered back.

"Names," Tony asked.

"Eleanor Cathedral, Alan Sinken, Ben Smith, Sawyer Arawell, Zul Maron, Ronald Van..."

"It doesn't sound like Ronald," Barnes spoke. His voice went all over hers. "Are you sure he was one?"

She barely remembered this guy was in Hydra for years. But that he doubted her knowledge, angered her.

"Why do you say that, Bucky?"

"Ronald was...weak, smart but weak. Shy, flinchy, kind of a coward really."

Rogers turned to Vienna.

"I'm sorry, is that your ' _what do you have to say on your defense_?' Face?" Vienna rolled her eyes. "You're telling me Ronald, a smart coward, easy to control wouldn't be close to Hellnic? Did you know him at all?"

"Are they fighting?" Tony whispered to Bruce.

"No," Vienna stated. "I was close to Hellnic, I know the people who gathered around him."

"She has a point, tho," Natasha said. "If I was Hellnic I would want someone smart but easy to control on my side."

Barnes and Vienna had not started good back in the industrial building in France. But now it only had worsen things.

"I was simply saying it didn't sound like Ronald," he said.

"How would you know? They barely let you out of your box."

Barnes stood up. Vienna didn't.

"Okay," Bruce said. "Let's take a breath. We won't go anywhere if we fight."

Rogers placed a hand over Barnes' shoulder. Though, the old winter soldier locked eyes with Vienna. A hatred burning in his eyes. His chest up and down like he just ran a marathon.

Natasha kicked her leg under the table and Vienna rested back on the chair, calming down.

When Rogers turned around, he glanced at her. A slightly annoying look in his pale face. If she didn't find those blue eyes so maddening, she'd find them lovely.

"Did I hurt his feelings?" She asked.

Barnes sat down again and Rogers only let out an exasperated breath.

"Was that all the names?" Tony asked, distanced.

Vienna nodded, "I suggest we start with Sinken. He is the closest one."

"Where is he?" Natasha turned to her.

Before she could answer, Tony took the freedom to do so, "Pensilvania."

Over the final silence, Clint chose to speak, a humorous tone to light up the mood. "Well," he smiled. "This was an awesome first meeting, wasn't it?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Alan Sinken was a cruel man. He used to select the new recruiters for her. Most of the time were kids, just over six years old, and others were young adults like her. Never older than thirty. He liked to select kids. Often, he went with her when she recruited them. It always sicken her the way he looked at them. Hungry and dangerous.

It reminded her of the way he used to look at her. Back then, with no help or voice, it was better to keep you mouth shout and hope for the best because god helped the kid who didn't.

Vienna followed Oliver back to her room. This time she didn't speak. There was no need anyways. Both of them looked lost in their thoughts.

"I can take you to the cafeteria, if you want to have dinner," Oliver suggested once they were in front of her room.

"I'm not hungry."

She closed the door before he could say something else. Her back against the hard wood where she took off her coat, opened her jacket and shirt and finally breathed.

"I'm okay," she said. "I'm fine."

Slowly, she walked to the side of the bed and slid down to the floor. Her knees bent so her arms could rest there.

The door opened in a hard swing. No knock or warning. Just swap open.

Natasha entered with a tray of food.

Vienna barely looked at it or her.

"Eat," Natasha ordered. She put the tray on the desk. "You're not use to us if you're weak."

If she hadn't been so...down, Vienna would've laughed. Yes, that's me, I follow every order is thrown in my way.

"Yeah, okay," was all she said instead.

Natasha watched her from above. Confused, curious, angry. Whatever feeling Natasha had, Vienna couldn't read it. It was too overwhelming and it had been a long day.

"Are you well?"

Vienna wondered how she looked right now. Paler, sick, weak, drops of sweat on her forehead. Like someone who had giving up on life.

"It'll passed," Vienna breathed, closing her eyes. "It always does."

After a minute, she heard Natasha's steps around her. Closer and closer then stopped. It was right there when she could perfectly hear Natasha doubting.

Vienna opened her eyes and caught her in front of her. An alarmed gaze in her eyes.

"I'm always fine," Vienna smiled through the emptiness.

She knew Natasha wouldn't believe her, but she also knew she wouldn't push her to talk.

"Okay," Natasha said, slowly, as if she was giving her time to explain whatever the hell was happening. "Oliver is outside. My room is under this floor, if you need anything."

Vienna clearly wanted to be alone, yet Natasha was what she got. She stood on her feet and sat on the bed, not being able to walk straight to the desk where the food was.

There was a silent agreement between them. Through their eyes, the words they couldn't spoke passed over silent movements. Eat and I won't talk.

Vienna nodded.

Natasha gave her a last glance before she stepped out of the room and left her alone.

At least, she brought her dessert.


	6. SAME TIME TOMORROW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This almost reach the amount of chapters I have written. I think that after chapter 10, I will start uploading one chapter every week. Just a heads up.

_I'm sorry I haven't been myself_   
_Ansomething's got me down_   
_What it is, I cannot tell_   
_I won't be satisfied with anything I've earned_   
_Fear is just a part of love_   
_And one thing I found_   
_Is love is what you deserve_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the morning, she woke up like last night was just a dream. All those feelings and low echos in her head became a memory, a blurry one that she couldn't quite remember but that was there nonetheless.

"Good morning."

Lily watched her from the bed, seating straight like the soldier she always bragged about of being.

Good morning, she replied.

A shower and breakfast and she'd be good to go. She found a pair of pants in the closet and a black shirt. By the corner of her eyes, a pair of gloves shone in the darkness. Gloves. Fucking gloves.

"Leather," she whispered.

She never thought of gloves before.

It had been a year since she showered with hot water, and it was...great. Her skin which was usually cold, was warm and nice to touch. Even the glass of the shower was foggy.

Smiling, she draw a little star on it. It got stuck that way until some drops of water ran down and cut it in half. She got out of the shower and brushed her teeth, feeling kind of fresh and new. She wanted to have some breakfast, so quickly, she dressed and opened the door to see Oliver. Unbothered and stilled.

Oliver accompanied her to the kitchen and stood next to her while she ate. As she saw yesterday, the cafeteria was empty.

Before she left the tray back over the trash can, Natasha entered the cafeteria. The black suit glued to her figure as she walked. She looked around until her eyes landed on her.

"Time to go," she said.

Vienna waved Oliver good bye with a innocent smirk and followed the red head.

"How you slept?" Natasha asked her, trying too hard not to ask what she wanted.

"Pitchy," Vienna answered. "Never had a real bed before."

To this statement, Natasha tightened her lips, a slightly frown in her dark eyebrows.

They got into the elevator and Natasha pressed the last floor.

Vienna shrugged, "we're flying?"

"Yes."

She had five minutes to pull her shit together. It was just a small flight like yesterday, nothing out of the ordinary. Yet, when the ship came into view, the hair of the back of her neck twisted in fear.

Natasha gave her a gun and Vienna looked at it like she had never seen something like that, "am I a child?" She raised her eyebrow.

Natasha half smiled, "we'll see how you do today. If you behave maybe you can have a bigger gun next time."

"Great. Can't wait," she said under her breath.

Both women climbed up the ship. Tony was on the front, his hands all over the control system. Clint was on the floor, cleaning arrows and Bruce and Barnes were seating opposite to each other. Neither of them making eye contact with anyone.

"Are we ready?" Rogers came out of the front as well. His impeccable blue suit and stars flashed her.

"Yes," Vienna muttered.

Barnes, at the sound of her voice, gazed up. His long hair fell over his eyes when he raised his head.

Vienna made her way to her seat and put the seatbelt on. No way she was flying in this thing without some kind of protection. And while she wanted to scream and get off the ship, she put on her brave face and swallow her fear for the sake of her pride.

She remained silent the whole time. Her mind playing too much with her with crazy outcomes from this trip. Instead, she focused on the inside of the ship. The weapons adjusted to the walls, the number of seats, the parachutes and the screens. More than one time she caught his blue eyes looking straight to her. A hint of curiosity and annoying shoved into her chest. But as soon as he crushed with her, he removed his eyes immediately. Vienna took her time watching him from his long hair, to his feet to his metal arm.

Does it hurt?, she wanted to asked. Would you feel my hand if I touch you?.

Barnes didn't look at her again, but it could have been more about the fact that he felt her eyes on him, memorizing every part of him.

She opened her eyes to hear Tony announce they were close. Natasha was still seated next to her and she had her eyes closed.

Slowly, Vienna took the seatbelt off and strolled to the front. Her steps doubting and not at all straight until she was in front of the controls.

"Looks like nobody is home," Tony said.

Vienna observed the suburban house from the skies. It was in the middle of the woods, surrounded by trees and other green nature stuff.

"The door's open," Vienna said.

"Is that good or bad?" Steve asked behind her.

"We'll have to find out."

When Tony landed on hard ground, Vienna grabbed the seat so strong she almost ripped it.

"Careful there, it's leather," Tony warned. Her tone half annoying, half joking.

But giving the situation and that Vienna had her blood pressure over the roof, she imagined herself biting his head off. He couldn’t care about the seats if he's dead.

"Move aside, kid," he stood up, walking to his red iron suit. "I'll let you know if it's safe."

His suit closed around him and flew away.

Vienna fell down to her seat again, her impatience showed on the quick tap her feet made against the floor.

"How well do you know Sinken?" Natasha blurted out.

She straightened in her seat, noticing she had everyone's attention.

"How well?" She tested the words.

He ran a hand down her tight, his old and white skin making everything revolve inside her stomach.

When she tried to stop his hand going further up, he gripped her wrist. A dirty smile in his lips and moved a finger in front of her, "no, no."

His big empty eyes destroyed everything alive worth feeling.

She tried to move, scream, just...something. Anything to stop the unstoppable. But nobody helped her, nobody came and released her from the table and chains over her body.

Vienna shrugged, her mind coming back. "Enough to want him dead."

"Is he going to be a problem?"

Vienna shook away the question, "He is... disgusting and full of words. But nothing you can't handle."

Still, Sinken had been the person she actually avoided to see again. Many people hurt her and played with her, but at least she was old enough to defend herself. With Sinken? She had been a kid, a weak and innocent little girl who had no idea what horrors awaited in the dark.

"I detect four people in the house," Tony said through the communicator. "No signs of life."

"Do you know who they are?" Vienna asked.

"No. That's why I said four people and not their names."

Vienna rolled her eyes, "Whatever."

She stood on her feet. Her gun brushed her arm and before she gave two steps, a strange hand stopped her.

Alarms rang inside her, a fury breaking through her skin as she grabbed her gun and pointed at him.

"Wow, wow," Clint stood up.

Steve and Natasha moved so quickly, she almost pointed at them too.

Vienna clenched her jaw, her hand gripped the gun so hard it could break. She locked eyes with him, a disgusting rage building in her throat.

"Touch me again and I will put a bullet in your forehead, metal boy," she spat out.

"Calm down, Vienna," Natasha walked to her side.

Steve slowly tried to remove Barnes from in front of her. "Who gave you that gun?" He asked.

But Vienna only looked at Barnes. His eyes wouldn't let hers as in an act of intimidation and not backing down.

"Vienna," Steve called.

"Fuck off."

The indignation coming from the Captain decreased Vienna's killing wishes. The blonde man frowned, even part of his nose wrinkled at his try to maintain his behavior. His mouth opened for a quick second before closing it again.

Vienna lowered her gun. She gave it to Natasha, knowing Steve wouldn't let her carry it anymore.

"I don't need a gun," she said.

"You didn't wait for the signal," Barnes spoke shortly after her.

"What?"

"That's why I grabbed your arm," he explained. "You didn't wait for Steve's signal."

Was that a joke? Was he playing with her? He's serious and stilled. Oh, he wasn't kidding. Who was this guy? Not the winter soldier people talked about in Hydra, that was for sure. Suddenly, he seems nervous, doubt in his expression.

"Not a reason to touch me if I didn't gave you permission to do so," Vienna declared.

"What's going in there?" Tony said.

Steve took his fingers to the little dispositive around his ear, "Nothing. We're on our way." It's not exactly a cold glare he gave her, but it was close to being one. He walked passed her and opened the hatch pressing a button. "Stay close."

Clint and Barnes followed behind him. Barnes walking faster than he should had.

Natasha shook the gun in front of her, then crossed her arms. "This? It was supposed to be our secret."

"I panicked," she defended herself before she could think of her words. "Let's go," she strolled down the ramp outside, leaving Natasha with a question and an open mouth.

The location was in the outsides of the city. Only nature around them and easy to access by loosing yourself in the woods or jogging close by. What a stupid move.

The house had two floors and a beautiful front garden. The walls outside were maroon with white details here and there. The windows broken, the door destroyed. Inside was the beginning of a scary movie and the end of a massacre. The carpet had rests of blood, a trail of recents red steps from the entrance to a door.

Natasha walked behind her, the gun out and weary gaze.

She had seen dead kids before. In her field of work it was necessary to have a high tolerance with blood, dead, rape, chopped heads, anything the human mind could think of. But when she climbed down the stairs to the basement and saw them, she felt sick.

Natasha gasped, then composed herself rapidly.

Both of them stayed close at the end of the stairs, not being able to take another step.

A woman sat in the floor against the wall, her arms around two little boys, a hole in her forehead which was still bleeding. And the boys, their throats were cut. Their baby eyes were opened like they had been strangled to death.

Natasha actually turned her head to stop from looking at the tragic image.

"Let's go," Vienna said, softly. Her voice low and gentle as if she didn't want to disturb the kids, as if they were just sleeping.

Natasha nodded and went up in two stairs at a time.

Upstairs, Clint and Steve waited for them. "Sinken is dead," Steve announced.

"His family is in the basement," Vienna replied. "We were late."

The conclusion drove her insane. She was never late. Never. In all her years of service, there wasn't one single target she didn't get. To her mind it was confusing to arrive to an scene like this.

She thought of seeing Sinken, look for clues or any sign that this was his doing, but she doubted it would calm her state.

"Caused of death?"

"Bullet in the head," Clint answered.

The blood and the bodies were fresh. Maybe an hour or two before they arrived. There were three things that wouldn't let her rest.

One, Sinken was dead, was it a suicided or someone knocked their door and killed everyone?  
Two, whether it was him or something else, why? Why killed them?  
And three, A man like Sinky had a family. Only she could imagine the kind of stuff that man might had put them through. A husband and a father like that, it only meant a bad life.

Steve notified Fury and they went back to the ship.

There was a aura of disappointment in the air. A silence to honor the kids and the mom who lost their lives today at the hands of someone without heart.

"What happened back there?" Banner asked.

Tony take off while Clint explained the situation, didn't left anything out. And like the rest, he was met with horror and confusion.

They had their conclusions. There were arguments about it and more than once it became so loud it had to be stopped by Steve's voice.

"So what? The guy went a little co-co and decided to kill his family? There wasn't a gun in the house," Tony said.

"Maybe it was hidden?" Steve suggested.

"Are you doubting my skills, popsicle?"

Steve breathed like this was routine in his conversations with the Iron man.

"Any chance you missed something?"

"Could you be more offensive?"

And she enjoyed watching them argue. Her mind was off things and chuckled when Steve grabbed his own hair and pulled it. Tony obviously was getting on his nerves and not in a good way.

After they stopped fighting, Vienna decided it was time to speak.

"Elenor is the best option right now. If someone knows what happened to Sinken is her."

"Wouldn't she go into hiding if she hears about Sinken?" Natasha questioned.

"Not if it doesn't reach the news."

Eleonor was not better than Sinken. This woman was one of the most cold calculating people she's ever met. She liked to play with your head, messed with you, everything that had to do with your mind, she liked to break it.

By the looks of Barnes, he probably knew what she was thinking. But neither of them tried to avoid the possible visit.

"Last time I heard of her, she was hiding in Alaska." Vienna mentioned.

"Are you sure you're not still part of Hydra?" Tony said. An eyebrow raised with distinguished uniqueness.

Vienna gave him a look, "And you asked me that for what?"

He shrugged his shoulders, a hand scratching his neck, "you seem to know a lot about these people."

"Of course, I do. I grew up with these people."

"And you don't feel any kind of sentiment..."

"For those who made my life hell? Don't make me laugh. I would have killed them years ago if I could've. The only reason I feel bad right now is that I didn't came sooner so I could watch that bastard get that bullet in his head for myself."

Tony huffed. The black pants and shirt he was using wrinkled when leaned into the crystal separating the cabin and controls.

"I love it when someone shows their true skin," he said.

Natasha was looking at her. In fact, all of them were.

Vienna laid back, she could not care less how they saw her. There were more important things to do.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Me too."

When they arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D, she refused to give any kind of contact. She just wanted to go to sleep, forget today even happened.

Oliver met her at the elevator and took her straight to her room, or as close as he could before Natasha caught up to them.

"I'm going to the cafeteria," she commented when they were walking down the hall. "Do you want to come?"

Vienna shook her head, "I'm not hungry."

At this, Natasha frowned, "you didn't have lunch and you have to eat dinner."

"Not hungry."

In two big steps, Natasha passed her and put her foot down. Vienna stopped.

"You have to eat something."

Vienna didn't know what into the red head, but doubted she could be manipulated into letting her go.

"I don't think it's a good idea," she said.

She could feel the energy being drained out of her. A familiar hollow in her chest.

"Maybe a cereal?" Natasha invited.

You should go, her voice pushed her.

Vienna already felt a little guilty for the gun, and if Natasha cared enough to invite her to seat with her maybe she could call it even.

Without saying another word, they moved to the cafeteria. This time there were a few agents having dinner but none of them looked in their way.

Oliver waited outside while they got their meal.

Vienna took her cereal and walked fast to the nearest table. She felt her pulse everywhere. The small noises of utensils against plates did not help. It irritated her.

"You said something on the ship," Natasha began. She sat down with a tray of food. Mostly fruit and salad.

She's curious. Didn't she already know her entire life thanks to those screens? Her life was on those files, even on of her most darkest secrets. Everything was there.

"Did I?" She grabbed the spoon.

"Yeah, something about knowing Sinken a little too well," Natasha bit her apple, disinterested.

"I don't recall that."

"No?"

"No."

Natasha picked some lettuce and tomato in one fork, "That's a shame."

Maybe she gave her a gaze, a sign that just made her know. Because when she glanced at her, Natasha gad that look on her face.

"Is that why you don't like people touching you?"

Vienna kept eating. Ignoring someone was her best threat, emotions? Pain? Happiness? She was a professional hiding that stuff. Even under pressure, she could hide the most kind emotions inside her. But in this situation, with her pulse on the middle of her throat, everything she was feeling, Natasha could be reading it like a morning newspaper.

"There's a lot of reasons why I don't like people touching me," she responded. "Bad memories, bad people, it's all bad really."

Natasha nodded. She squirmed in her seat, the salad gone in another one big bite.

"Same time tomorrow?" She stood up.

Vienna blinked, confused and wondered if the woman had said something after all and she hadn't listened by accident.

"Dinner," Natasha said. "Same time?"

It took her awhile to catch up but at the end, she gave her a soft smile and nodded, "same time."

***

Bucky followed his best friend back to the gym. It was weird when Steve went there so late but giving the recent events, maybe they both could use a distraction.

The bad thing about this was that whenever Steve had a bad day he would torn the punching bags apart one after another one. He was really upset, and while Bucky had a similar feeling, he preferred to save it until his next session with his therapist.

"I hate it when we fail," Steve muttered. He was sweating already but his fists wouldn't give up yet.

Bucky threw a knife at the improvised target and landed exactly on the middle of its forehead.

"Someone wise once told me that we couldn't save everyone," Bucky eyed him. "That we can only try to do better the next time."

Steve gave him a look, "he sounds like an idiot."

"He sometimes is."

Bucky grabbed another knife from the tray.

"Did you know him?"

The black-haired stopped before he could miscalculate and throw the sharp object to his best friend's head. He sighed deep and loud, as if he wanted Steve to know that he hated those questions, that he never wanted to answer them or even think about them.

"Yes," he said. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I know, but.."

Bucky looked at him, an annoying frown on his face. "But what?"

"Were you happy to see him like that?"

It felt like a kick in the stomach. All the air rushed out of him as the last words hung in the silence between them.

Sinken had a reputation that followed him anywhere he went. And it never disappointed to see that there was a reason you should stay away from that man. Too many things he heard and too many things he experienced that made him want to never talk about that monster.

I'm not bad, he thought. He couldn't be. He went through so much and being not-upset for Sinken's death didn't mean anything. Did it? He was cruel and bad and one of the top ten worst human beings. It wasn't a bad thing that he died. Or murdered. Sinken murdered a lot of people, too. So why should he feel bad about his death?

"I wasn't happy," he answered, his voice low and controlled. "But I didn't feel bad either.

Steve only gazed at him, his chest moving following the quick breaths his mouth let escape.

"Believe me, Steve. The world is better off without him."


	7. HIGH ON HIS TOUCH

_Did you stand there all alone?_   
_Oh I cannot explain what's going down_   
_I can see you standing next to me_   
_In and out somewhere else right now_   
_You sigh, look away_   
_I can see it clear as day_   
_Close your eyes, so afraid_   
_Hide behind that baby face_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The window was bulletproof. You couldn't open it or break it. She knew, she tried. The air around her felt somehow suffocating. It was drowning her in her own deep breath and desperation.

In pajamas, she wide opened the door of her bedroom.

Oliver jumped, frightened. But before he could even think about danger, Vienna fell to his feet.  
"What the hell?" Oliver tried to helped her.

"Don't!" Vienna smacked his hand away. They were covered in gloves, but still. "I need air.”

Oliver watched her dumbstruck. He was not longer a scary straight agent, more like a confused nervous train wreck trapped with her. He tried to reach her again.

"I will hurt you," She drawled.

Stupid. She was stupid. How did you say that to the only person near who can help?

A wave of pain filled her lungs. It hurt to breath. Her hand grabbed her chest, a frown in her black eyebrows while she tried to inhale but coughed in failure.

"What's going on?" That accent, that raspy voice and those hard steps.

God damn it.

"I think she's having a panic attack.”

"Am not," she looked up from the ground.

Barnes was there. His hair was everywhere. He was wearing some black pants along with a T-shirt. His metal and normal arms out, not layer of clothes over them. His eyes focused on her.

He bent to touch her, then thought about and retrieved. "Can I touch you?" He asked.

Her vision continued to get blurry. She was barely looking at his face, and yet..."Get the fuck away from me.”

He sighed, straightened and a sound of frustration left his mouth, "well, how do you expect me to help if you won't let me touch you?”

"I can walk by myself," she managed to say.

"Okay, do it.”

There was no need. Even if she tried, she knew the result: back on the floor. She fulminated him, "fuck you.”

And a smart-ass smirk built up into his mouth. That might be the first time Vienna saw any change in his face at all.

She placed her forehead on the floor, it had become too heavy to carry it herself.

"Put on another shirt," she demanded.

"What?" Barnes' smile dropped. A frown replaced it instead.

"Another shirt that covers your arms, too. And gloves," she breathed. "Wear gloves.”

Everything was different. The voices were just noise. They were just cloudy images. She laid down on the hard concrete. Maybe if she closed her eyes for a bit it would stop.

Before she continued with her plan, some strong arms helped to her feet. No pain, no sharp needles incrusted on her skin, nothing.

She was walking. If being dragged by someone could be call that.

"We can't take her out," she heard. "What if she tries to…"

"In her condition I doubt escaping is in her priorities.”

She put an arm around his shoulders, an intend to gain balance. "I can still stab you.”

"Before or after you pass out?”

She put on a drunk smile, "before, darling. I have my priorities.”

She rested her head on his shoulder, let herself being dragged by the one person she wanted the most far away from her. Her chest was almost in front her torso, his strong grab around her didn't move in any moment.

And then, a sweet cold air hit her body. It was so refreshing, Vienna opened her mouth as if she had been under water for far too long.

"Put me down," she said.

Slowly, Barnes placed her on the floor. When her vision came back, she saw they were on the roof. Oliver was standing at the door and Barnes next to her. Maybe waiting for he to do something.

Vienna closed her eyes, breathed as much as she could and laid down on her right.

There was an exchange of words between the two men, some angry hushes and resigned breaths.

"One hour," Oliver said.

The door closed.

She heard Barnes seating a few meters away from her, most likely near the wall next to the door.

A comfortable silence ruled over the ex-Hydra agents, one that neither of them dared to break.

Vienna enjoyed the noise though. The air had that little ruffle that made her skin crawl.

 _Remember this?_ , Lily whispered through the waves of air, _we were unstoppable._

"Leave me alone," she whined. Right now wasn't one of those moments where Vienna loved hearing her.

"I can't. Somebody has to watch you," Barnes said.

Vienna rolled on her back until she saw him.

He was seating on the floor, too. His eyes on her like a hawk watching its prey.

"Oh, you're still here," she said.

He lowered his head in annoyance, "yes. I'm still here.”

She put her hands together on her stomach and focused on the night. There were no stars tonight. No a single cloud.

"Does it happen often?" Barnes voice suited the atmosphere around her. Quiet, cold, fresh. Maybe if he kept talking she could fall asleep.

"It's been years since I had one," she answered.

The last time was four years ago. It began with a nightmare, a tragic death, then the panic attack.

"You won't say anything, will you?" She turned to him.

He moved in his place, scratched the back of his neck and rested his head back, "why would I?”

"To make your friend proud?”

The conversation took a wild turn. Unexpectedly, Barnes snapped his head upward and his ice cold eyes melted her to the bones.

"Maybe I will, after all," he said, hardly.

"Do you ever do something that you actually want to do? I can imagine how frustrated you must feel. America's best friend, a killer now a S.H.I.E.L.D agent trying to fit in…this."

Barnes stood up. He strolled in circles, his hands covering his face as if he couldn't believe what he heard. He ran back his messy hair and finally looked at her.

"You are beyond reparation," he said in four different breaths. "Why do you behave like this? You can change. This deal you have is your ticket.”

She sat, "you think this deal is going to save me? That it will erase twenty years of Hydra glued to my skin? You're smarter than that. The only reason I'm not dead is because they need me. Not because they want to help me.”

"They are doing a pretty good job with me.”

"You are different," she snarled. "You're Captain America's best friend. You were brainwashed. You didn't know what you were doing, Barnes. You were lucky. Of course they welcomed you with open arms.”

"Open arms? I had to gain my seat in this place, it wasn't easy.”

"You just don't get it, do you?" She stood up, angrily. This man was really getting into her nerves. "You already had a fucking seat in here. Do you think they would risk losing Steve? Of course they gave you an opportunity to prove yourself. But me?" She wanted to laugh. "As soon as they're done with me, they...well, do I really have to explain it?”

He stared at her, "do you blame them? You are everything this place is against of.”

"I know," she said, quietly. "I deserve it.”

Perhaps that shook his anger off and he was back on the ground. She didn't want to fight, but her resentment sometimes got the best of her. She wasn't someone who forgave easily.

“C'mon, darling," she made her way to the door. "I feel fine.”

His hand stopped her and she tensed. He must had feel that because he removed it immediately, as if her skin was on fire.

"I didn't give you permission to..”

"I know," he interrupted her. "I shouldn't have done it.”

She scanned him up and down, "are you going to tell me I didn't wait for Steve's signal again or what?”

The annoyance came back to his face, "Not quite." He pointed at the door. "He'll be back in forty minutes to get you.”

"Ir you can take me back to my room," she said. She up for a flirty smile. "I promise I don't bite.”

He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, "you barely let me touch you when you were having a panic attack, how exactly would that work?”

"Do you want to find out?”

Of course, having contact was something she hated at this point, but seeing the red shade spreading across his cheeks was worth it.

"C'mon metal boy," she said. "It's really late. Nobody will notice.”

“No."

Vienna rolled her eyes, turned her back on him and laid down on the floor. "Whatever," she mumbled. "What the hell were you doing so late in the halls?”

He was taken aback, "that's none of your business.”

***

At some point in the night, Oliver came back for her. She thanked for allowing the whole thing to happen, not that it mattered to him. And didn't say another word to Barnes. He might as well had been a wall.

She came back to her room and slept through the rest of the night. No pain, no Lily, no panic attacks.

You need to get up, she heard Lily next to her, you need to find out where is Elenor.

"I know where she is," she replied, grabbing the sheet and putting it all over her head.

You know the state where she is, you don't know where exactly.

She huffed, "I guess it's good there's a billionaire expert in technology here in the building.”

Vienna jumped when someone knocked her door and opened it.

Natasha frowned, "what are you doing on the floor?”

Quickly, she removed the blanket and stood on her feet, "I fell," she answered a little to fast. "You didn't give me another announce but a miserable knock.”

Natasha scanned the room, then the bed undone. She closed the door and walked around. Her legs moved silently, careful not to alarm her. She proceeded to sit on the perfect well made bed.

"Tony found Eleanor," she said.

***

He sat down at the meeting table with his eyes watching everything in the room.

Tony was busy touching screens and other stuff Bucky couldn't for the life of him understand. But it was interesting nonetheless.

Banner and Clint were currently between a conversation about what the best option to proceed the next target was. Steve listened while on his feet.

Today had went to hell since the little adventure West dragged him to. He had been in his room, trying to sleep. It was one of those nights when his mind wouldn't shut up no matter what he did. So he thought of a walk around the building. It usually worked.

Until he saw her.

Gasping, red, and cursing on the floor. It reminded him of him. And the only thing in his mind was to do the one thing he wished someone did when he was in the same situation. Help her.

For some reason, she refused to let him touch her without covering himself. And when he did, the woman was a slack of sarcasm and bad words about to pass out. He didn't know anyone who could say so many bad words in a minute.

When he came back to his room, he felt...strange. Maybe he'd needed air too. But when he went to bed, he couldn't stop twisting and rolling. Sleep just never came.

"Are you okay, Buck?" Steve asked next to him.

He blinked. He didn't notice his friend has moved to his side.

"Yeah," he answered. "Just a bit tired, that's all.”

Steve nodded, "rough night?”

The doors opened and Natasha and West entered the room. The red woman was wearing his usual uniform, but West, she had a pair black pants on and a grey long sleeve shirt. Gloves on her hands.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he said.

"Where is she?" West asked. She approached Tony in quick steps.

Her hair was in a long braid and she didn't look anything like last night. She was rested, freshen.

"When are we ready to go?" West looked at Steve, her jaw was slightly clenched.

"Right now, but we are not all going.”

Bucky knew the plan.

Natasha, West, Tony and Banner would go and find Eleanor, while Bucky, Steve and Clint would to the opposite way to find….

West turned paler and colder with every second Steve explained the plan, but didn't say anything. She only nodded and turned to Natasha, whispered something to her in which both agreed.

"Suit up," Steve said and everyone went their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved this chapter. Bucky just wanted to help and she kept snapping at him. My poor baby.


End file.
